11 Tips to Help You Accept Change
11 tips to help you accept change in life, as a caregiver, and when living with dementia.
Published by
Valerie Feurich
Topics
Family/Friends
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By Valerie Feurich, PAC Team Member
Have you ever heard the quote, The Only Constant in Life Is Change by Greek philosopher Heraclitus?
Everything in life is ever-changing, and this rings particularly true when dementia is involved.
Depending on which one(s) of the 100+ types of dementia a person is living with, the progression can be gradual, step-by-step, or even sudden in the case of an acute life-changing event.
Whether you’re supporting a person living with Alzheimer, Frontotemporal, Lewy Body, or Vascular Dementia, change is inevitable.
And, the truth is – change is hard, and can impact your mental health.
As Dr. Srini Pillay, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, told Talkspace:
When you change, it actually activates the conflict sensors in the brain and this causes brain chaos that we call cognitive dissonance…This activation of the conflict sensor becomes stressful to people.
So, what can you do to help reduce these stressors, and make it more likely to accept the changes so that you can move forward under the new set of conditions?
Here are 11 things you can try to help ease feelings of distress during times of change:
1. Try not to fight the change
The fact of the matter is, when dementia is involved, things will change at some point. Maybe over time, or maybe with a sudden health event.
The question is – how will you respond when changes happen? What will you do when it becomes obvious that a person’s previous abilities are forever gone?
Will you try to resist and fight it? Or will you try to let it go and choose to focus on the things you cancontrol? The latter will likely serve you best.
2. Redirect uncertainty
Remember the feelings of uncertainty when Covid-19 first swept across the world? Initially, the uncertainty of how the virus was transmitted caused many people to feel stressed and tense.
As Renee Fabian explains in her Talkspace article, How to Stay Balanced During Major Life Changes:
Uncertainty is the enemy of our biological impulses — if we’re unsure whether an animal is a house cat or a blood thirsty tiger, we’re in trouble. Our brain doesn’t like the odds of equations with unknown variables, so it defaults to a negative bias for safety.
So, what can you do to not let your brain steer you towards the negative?
Fabian suggests using neutral self-talk phrases. As an example, telling yourself a phrase like, Uncertainty simply means I don’t know the future, but that doesn’t mean the future is bad, can help you calm your nerves a bit.
3. Make a plan
Another way to fight stress caused by uncertainty is to draft a plan. Organizing your thoughts with pen and paper can help ease tense nerves, as it helps unload your brain of some of its constantly swirling thoughts.
But, as with anything related to dementia, be sure to remind yourself that this plan is flexible. Try to go with the flow as much as possible.
You cannot know what the future may bring, so using your plan as a gentle guide versus a set-in-stone manifest will likely serve you best.
4. Seek support
If you have read other Positive Approach to Careblogs before, chances are, you picked up on a recurring theme… In case you’re new here (Welcome, by the way!), let’s reveal the secret now:
Our oft-repeated recommendation is to build a care team.
Why do we not get tired of giving this suggestion? Simple. It’s because if you’re caring for a person living with dementia, you don’t want to be a lone ranger.
The potential stress and feelings of loneliness that can come with trying to do it all by yourself bear a high risk of making you sick in the long run, too.
Now add the stress of a potential, acute life-changing event, and I promise you, you’ll be grateful to have supportive people around you. Whether it’s just an ear to listen, or people who can run some errands for you, not having to go through big life changes on your own will be one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
5. Make self-care one of your priorities
Caring for yourself is not selfish, but a requirement if you don’t want to spiral into caregiver burnout over time. Particularly when a life-changing event takes place, self-care often is the first thing to be dropped.
But, if at all possible, try to prioritize yourself, too. Whether that’s by getting adequate sleep, eating well, or giving yourself brain breaks through a short nap or day dreaming, be sure to listen to your body and try to meet your needs, too.
6. Be conscious and mindful of your actions
While you don’t want to cover up feelings of sadness or pain, dwelling on them long-term may not help you either. Instead, you may want to try acknowledging the way you feel and expressing it, so you make room for a little more positivity.
Have you ever heard the following quote by writer Carlos Castaneda:
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.
Personally, I have found this to be true, and very powerful when put into practice.
To give this a try, see if you can pause occasionally and ask yourself, Is what I’m currently doing making me happier, or more miserable?
While this sounds overly simplistic, becoming aware and conscious of the effects your own actions have on you allows you to guide your behaviors toward a more positive trajectory.
As an example, as you engage in the manual tasks of getting ready in the morning, do you spend that time dwelling on the negatives of the situation? What would happen if instead you turned on some upbeat music, and maybe even dared to dance along with it a little?
Exercise, even in small doses, can act as a serious mood-booster. (You may enjoy The Joy Workout by the New York Times for some good stretches and movement when you start your day.)
So, you may be thinking: That’s great, but how does that help me accept change exactly?
By putting yourself into a more positive frame of mind, not only are you calming yourself, but you’re also opening the door to seeing things from a more positive perspective.
And when you look at things from a better frame of mind, you’re much more likely to discover opportunities that can help you create a better path forward.
7. Limit the extra negativity you let into your life
Chances are, if you’re trying to process a major life change, you’re already dealing with lots of stressors. During this time, it may help to be truly conscious about any extra negativity that adds to your emotional turmoil.
While we all like to be informed, the truth is that the negativity of the daily news, TV, or social media can further darken your outlook on life.
As the world is becoming increasingly unstable and the political divide appears unshaken, you may want to consider limiting your exposure to these for a while.
8. Focus on gratitude
While it may not be immediately obvious during challenging times, most of us still have things to be thankful for, and recognizing and acknowledging these can have a significant positive impact on our lives.
Harvard Health Publishing explained in their article, Giving thanks can make you happier, that
Gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
Focusing on gratitude does not have to be a big effort either. When you wake up in the morning, consider having a pen and paper nearby and quickly writing down the first three things that come to mind that you’re grateful for. If you can take those couple of minutes to do this every morning, chances are you’ll start feeling better over time.
9. Consider meditation or a faith practice
When you’re processing major life changes, chances are your mind is always on. Thoughts can easily spiral into negativity, and can become difficult to control.
One very powerful way of calming your mind is meditation.
The Mayo Clinic explains in their article Meditation: A simple, fast way to reduce stress, that
During meditation, you focus your attention and eliminate the stream of jumbled thoughts that may be crowding your mind and causing stress. This process may result in enhanced physical and emotional well-being…. And these benefits don’t end when your meditation session ends. Meditation can help carry you more calmly through your day.
If you’ve never meditated, there are plenty of resources to help you get started. Even a quick search on YouTube for terms like guided meditationor meditation for beginners will likely yield you a lot of free options to try.
And if meditation is not your thing, you may want to engage in a form of faith practice that helps you process the changes and calms your mind.
10. Enjoy the present moment, the now
Do you often find yourself ruminating about the past, or worrying about the future?
While these are very common thought patterns, can you still change the past? Likely, you answered no. And while you can plan and try to prepare for the future, life has its way of throwing in the unexpected.
While planning is good and certainly needed, especially when dementia is involved, see if you can strike a healthy balance. Endlessly worrying about what’s ahead has a good chance of robbing you of the joys of the present moment.
It is very common for dementia care partners to experience anticipatory grief, feelings of anxiety over the future loss of abilities or the person as a whole. Yet, worrying about what may one day be, can cloud your vision of what is today.
As author Eckhard Tolle wrote in his world-famous book The Power of Now,
Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have… Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.
So, how does reminding yourself to live in the current moment help you accept change?
Simply said, being present in the current moment reduces the energy you spend on ruminating or worrying about the future. Instead, you can redirect it towards improving the now, your new and changed reality.
11. Give yourself time (grief and loss)
Accepting change can be difficult. Particularly if it relates to a person you may be close to, or may have been caring for and supporting for quite a while.
If you take anything from this blog, please let it be this: Be sure to give yourself all the time you need.
Particularly if you’re dealing with grief and loss. Embrace the idea that while there are things you can do to make the journey a little easier, there’s still a path to be walked.
Conclusion
Accepting change and managing the often-correlating stress is not an easy task. As mentioned at the beginning of this article, our brains don’t like change. That said, change is a fact of life, and even more so when dementia is involved.
Yet, there are some things you can do to ease times of change a bit. Whether it’s through trying not to fight the change, redirecting uncertainty, planning, seeking support, or trying to be mindful of your actions, there are different things you can try to ease the transition a little for yourself.
Limiting the extra negativity you allow into your life, focusing on gratitude, considering a practice like meditation to help calm your mind, or trying to bring yourself back into the present moment, are also ideas you can try.
Most importantly, give yourself time. Don’t be hard on yourself if accepting this change takes longer than you may like.
With time, you’ll likely be able to see more positivity, and even opportunities, in this new situation. That is my wish for you.
What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly. – Eckhard Tolle
Sources utilized in the writing of this article:
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