I really want a dog

2017 was a horrible year, emotionally.

My life was on hold as I watched my beloved brother face a terminal brain tumour. I learnt about love as I observed the devotion of his wonderful wife, and realised how precious life really is.

I discovered how much we as humans can sacrifice for those who we love unconditionally. I saw inner strength rise in this special woman – strength needed so she could tend for every need of my brother.

After eleven months we lost Graeme.

My family gathered from far and near, celebrating his life rather than grieving over his untimely departure.

We have our lives for an indefinite time – what we encounter along the journey can change us. I believe my family have changed in many ways. I definitely am a different person.

Graeme’s fight to live and his disappointment that he didn’t have extra time after the chemo and operation, devastated us all.

In the three weeks that have passed since he left us, I know the truth – he has gone from us, but my acceptance of his going is fleeting, and grief comes and passes.

I have discovered I have a need after his passing that my faith alone can not fill.

I am aware I must begin my life again without my brother being here.

There is always something positive to be gained after such experience if we start looking for it. For me it is the realisation of how deep we as humans are capable of loving one another.

I observed old frictions pass away. New tolerance and empathy replaces what were family antagonisms.

I observed the strength within my family is our ability to love, support, encourage, and stand by each other through difficulties.

Now when returning to my normal life, nothing is quite the same as before.

The sadness, deep reflection continues, and sense of loss will never end.

For me, it is early days.

I did loose my childhood best friend. Graeme made me laugh, as a child he was inquisitive and irrepressibly brave in that he explored the boundaries – often testing our father and needing correction. Running away (not away from home), but away from our father. I still remember him racing around the house with Dad in hot pursuit – a middle aged man wearing heavy work boots chasing his fearless young son.

Did he get the strap? No.

How could our Dad discipline his son in the way we were disciplined in the 1950’s, (corporal punishment), after chasing him around the family home. Especially as the two of them began laughing the further they both ran.

Yes, Graeme made me laugh.

Perhaps it is this that I will miss most – his raw humour, and obvious love for me. His sense of drama and silly actions that made me giggle at him and with him, when we watched his unexpected hi jinx.

This is why I really want a dog.

During the weeks I spent with my family to visit my brother and those who were devoting every free minute to being his care givers, I grew to appreciate the power of family pets.

Especially the affection and dedication to my family by their pet dogs. On many visits through out 2017 I enjoyed the antics of these beautiful creatures. They made me laugh when I became despondent. I felt them nuzzling into me, begging to sit on my knee, resting a head on my lap, demanding my attention in ways I interpret as therapeutic and loving.

People my age are facing many unexpected ailments

Most of us are watching friends and family dying in greater number than ever before.

What better reason is there to have a devoted pet dog in an older persons life.

I want a dog of my own

I have progressively, since my return from where many of my family live, found myself imagining life with a dog at my heels on my evening walks. I imagine it following me from room to room, as wanting to be close to me. I see it exploring my courtyard garden, sniffing out the lizards. I want to play fetch, teach it tricks, and celebrate its’ accomplishments.

It feels right to imagine it reaching up on its’ hind legs, hoping I will sit it on my knees in front of the telly, or sharing my lap with my ipad as I write.

I don’t intend it to sleep on our bed, but I am sure it will do so.

I imagine combing and brushing it as I had done to my dolls locks as a child. Buying toys will be a pleasure. Visiting the vet for inoculations are likely to hurt me more than it.

Expensive? Yes, so I am told.

Taking it on our caravan trips will add a fun aspect, even though we will be prevented going into some camping grounds and national parks.

Two years ago, the experience of travelling with my doggie meant nothing. Today it excites me. My energy level is rising. My feelings of introspection, decreasing. The occasional feelings of depression lifts when I think about living with a pet dog. I can’t wait to have one.

But there are challenges to be overcome. The hubby says we are not ready for one yet as we travel a lot. What will I do with my little dog when we travel overseas to my home country and family? At the moment this appears to be a problem, as where will my beloved pooch go?

But I know that, with every challenge, there is always a way through.

Why wait until everything is in order, when all boxes are in order, as in reality this isn’t what life is about, is it?

I am wondering when is the right time?

It is like planned or unplanned parenthood – when the baby arrives it becomes the right time. It’s just a decision and then living accordingly.

Every day I find myself searching for doggies who need homes in pet refuges, or who are for sale in Australia, as I am searching for my new funny friend. The someone who will make me laugh like my brother Graeme did. It won’t bring him back, as nothing can, but my new friend may brighten what can be days when laughter is the best medicine.

Remember the song

How much is that doggie in the window?

The one with the waggly tail.

How much is that doggie in the window,

I do wish that doggie was mine.

Do you understand?

10 responses to “I really want a dog”

  1. This was such a beautiful. Read. Just at the right. Time. No. Coincidence. 😂🙏🏼💝
    I ve. Lost treasured family. From distance. Misunderstandings. Locations. And In Death . My dearest. Best friend. Of 58 yrs As children of 11&12. My living memory keeper through out all our. Stages of life. I face my. Final chapter without her. Alone. No one to live me so unconditionally. So. Very opposite. But. Bonded from the innocence Of childhood love. 💕💖💝🥰 we learned not to change but accept. We just loved each other. Shared. Everything Puberty teenage. Life. Loves. Marriages birth s. Children. Divorce. Families death of parents. Family.
    Grandchildren. Aging. More so much more. And your writting of your brother. Your feelings growth. Your. Need for. And Describing. Your. Visions love for. A dog. Is all my feelings. Experiences As well
    Thankyou for beautifully sharing. Feelings. Written Are so forever. Kept precious close It’s like some one out there understands. Though my secret keeper my friend / sister Is. No longer It’s like You appeared on paper as if I knew you intimately as her. Thanking God for. Finding. Your written words.
    So helped me. I hope I find. A dog just like. Yours. All for the same reasons. I m looking too. I worried as you too. But found. An emotional support. Dog can be taken. Any where with us Doesn’t cost much to. License them as. E s a. As such. Can go any where. It’s a law. I was so happy. But to find. A rescue. That looks like the picture of yours. Isnt. Easy. I know. My forever. Little secret keepers is out there. Too for me.
    😂💝🥰. I love your way with words thoughts. Do you. Write. Others. Books or pieces ? Can you share please.
    I like. To hold. Books or letters. If possible. ? Thankyou. You eased my breaking. Heart ❤️.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Cheryl,
      Thank you for your letter regarding how ‘I really want a dog’ affected you when you read it. I appreciate the depth of your words.
      Indeed, life is a journey of experiences- some break our hearts while others mould and challenge us. I believe the challenges are what grow us to become stronger, more loving and grateful. We learn to become confident and happy as we discover who we are, and become thankful to God who has made us perfect in His image.

      I do write novels which are based on my historical family, exploring decisions, experiences of my grandparents beginning in the 1850s. Questions I have asked since I was a child are explored and answered in the fictional story of the journeys these people have been on.
      The three book series is available on book buying sites. Have a look online for the ‘Journeys of the Fortune Seekers Series’ by Glennis Annie Browne or Annie Browne.
      I don’t know what country you live in, but my books are available in most countries on Amazon.

      I wonder whether I may use your letter in a blog to express your heart felt thoughts in a future blog?

      I also hope you find your own little dog soon.
      Blessings,
      Kind regards,
      Glennis

      Like

    • Dear Cheryl,
      I drafted your letter in a poetic form, and sent it as a blog. It is too beautiful not to publish as your words will be an encouragement to others. Just as mine were for you.

      This was such a beautiful read.
      Just at the right time.

      No. Coincidence.

      😂🙏🏼💝
      I’ve lost treasured family.

      From distance. Misunderstandings. Locations. And In Death .

      My dearest best friend of 58 yrs.

      As children aged 11&12.

      My living memory keeper through out all our stages of lives.

      I face my final chapter without her.

      Alone.

      No one to love me so unconditionally.

      So. Very opposite. But bonded from the innocence of childhood love.

      💕💖💝🥰

      We learned not to change but accept. We just loved each other.

      Shared everything -Puberty, teenage life. Loves. Marriages. Births. Children. Divorce.

      Families – death of parents. Family.
      Grandchildren. Aging. More, so much more.

      And your writing of your brother. Your feelings , growth. Your needs. And describing you visions.

      Your love for a dog.

      They are all my feelings, experiences as well.

      Thank you for beautifully sharing feelings. Written and so forever.

      Kept preciously close.

      It’s like some one out there understands. My secret keeper my friend / sister is no longer. It’s like you appeared on paper as if I knew you as intimately as her.

      Thanking God for finding your written words. They so helped me.

      I hope I find a dog just like yours. All for the same reasons.

      I’m looking too.

      I worried as you did too. But you found an emotional support. A dog can be taken anywhere with us. Doesn’t cost much to license them. As such can go any where. It’s a law.

      I was so happy.

      But to find a rescue that looks like the picture of yours isn’t easy, I know. My forever little secret keeper is out there too, for me.

      😂💝🥰.

      I love your way with words, thoughts. Do you write other books or pieces ? Can you share please.

      I like to hold books or letters. If possible. ?

      Thank you.

      You eased my breaking heart ❤️.

      Cheryl

      Like

  2. I got my dog shortly after my husband was diagnosed with Huntingtons Disease & I can’t tell how much your story touched me. Kizzy is a black lab & is 3 years old & the joy both my husband & I get from her is immense, she wakes him up everyday with a toy in her mouth so she doesn’t hurt him whilst playing on his bed & I can honestly say that I couldn’t be more grateful for her being in our lives & I couldn’t love her more, she is truly the most amazing, beautiful girl & she owns my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Jacqui, your comment about my blog regarding getting a dog has really encouraged me. I am very happy that your lovely black lab, Kizzy, is bringing you both such pleasure. Our Annie is bringing my husband and I such pleasure and enjoyment as well. I hope your husband is doing well. I’ sure Kizzy is a highlight in his life. Regards, Glennis.

      Like

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